Saturday, 8 August 2009

98th centile...

Apprently - my baby is on the 98th centile for length when he was measured the other day - meaning only 2% of other babies are longer / taller.

Strange to have a tall baby!

He is hilarious too - pulls tongues, laughs really loudly etc.. can't wait to see how he turns out as he gets older!

Thursday, 14 May 2009


Its pretty damn amazing.

Tired is the new drunk. Of a morning I often attempt to put the kettle away in the cupboard instead of the box of teabags. Of an evening I can be found accidentally looking at the Apprentice on TV for more than a few seconds without screaming.

The baby has obviously read Stephen Potter's Gamesmanship books - as his babymanship routines are superb....

He will go quiet suddenly to worry you... He will make it look like his head is loose.... He will look as if he is settling down to sleep in his cot - only to start gribbling again the second you attempt to leave him.... As soon as you change his nappy - he will gleefully crap in the fresh one....

And its all good. I have had weeks off work - bought a Wii - punched myself to sleep on the boxing game - and the biggest change of all:

I can appreciate what my own parents went through for the first time!

All those years of looking after me - putting up with the first 18 months when I was apparently unable to sleep without being in a moving vehicle. For the first time I understand adulthood - and more importantly, what it is to be a dad.

Its great.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Impending Fatherhood

Any day now I will be a dad. Nothing new in the grand scheme of things,my own father became a dad too, many years ago, and I believe most male parents share this trait.

It means a lot to me of course...

Naturally I'll have to curtail my rampant drinking. I'll also have to pander to the whims of an infant. Lose sleep. Spend the rest of my life worrying about what the child is getting up to.

Of course it also means legitimately getting to watch shit like Pufnstuf all over again.

And dig out my old star wars toys for him when he's old enough to appreciate them... Perhaps his early 30's.

I can play him my music to see if he likes it. Although perhaps not introduce him to technical death metal in the first few weeks...

And I'll have to buck the trend of financial depletion - maybe I'll return to creating kids books instead of fetish porn.

Time will tell all.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Welcome to my world(s)

I've blogged elsewhere before - for different reasons. None of them worth mentioning.

But this is the first time I've had a specific blog to myself.

Maybe one day, I will actually post a thought on it. To begin with though, here are some band names:

The Humectant Cakes
Extra Features
CroMagnon Werewolf Army
Nil by Mind
The Mentalists
Where the wild things are
faustian pact

My next band will probably not use one of these - so in that case, they will be the names of the songs on my next album......

......And I've already written one of them.